It's Never Really Over
by muffiny doom
Summary: It's been a long time... but for Neville, it's never really over. 7 years, and each day without her is another lie he has to tell himself, another apparition of happiness. If only he could have done something a long time ago... Neville/Luna T for swearing
1. Prologue Part 1: The Pensieve

A/N: SECOND STORY IN THREE DAYS. This is exciting for me. haha I'm finally getting my LoveBottom fix, with this here ficcy. I was so happy about DHP2 going out of canon with the Neville/Luna haha. :P Fanservice ftw.

Anywhore, this story is actually based off of a song, Sober by Kelly Clarkson, and if you get on YouTube and look up "Three months... and I'm still sober... N/L" by Elyse6heart6, toy'll find an amazing video. Go watch it! It's not really too related to this story, but it definitely inspired me, with the whole being-in-love-and-dating-other-people thing.

The story will switch pov's sometimes, for example, the next chap will contain pov's from both Neville and Luna. It's really fun to write for both of them, hearing their voices in my head as I'm writing. So of course, you'll see I made Nev all stammer-tastic and insecure. Luna shall be fun. :3

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE R&R! I'll beg! *gets on knees* And go read my other story, Ignorance is Bliss. It's a one sided Hermione/Neville, and I'd like to know if it's even worth continuing. Thanks, cuh-cuh's.

I do not own Harry Potter. But I do own several pictures of Matt Lewis. *hugs photos*

Enjoy~~!

-Nev3 (yes, I'm changing my nickname. my friends are actually calling me this irl. XD)

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><p>-Prologue-<p>

~Neville's POV~

It… felt like nothing was real. I felt like I was living in a fog, looking in from the outside on a bleak life that didn't feel like my own. I didn't feel her touch the way I should have, even though we had been together for a few years. I couldn't enjoy her company as much as I kept telling myself I was. It wasn't her, it would never be her. Hannah, she had done everything right, she would never try to hurt me; she loved me. And… I loved her too. That was why we were getting married in a few months.

It was funny, I had never pictured myself having a wife one day, let alone even picturing a girlfriend in my life. Sure I would daydream before I knew Hannah, about others, but I never thought I was good enough for anyone. I was a bumbling idiot who was practically a Squib, totally incompetent in anything involving wizardry, or even acting like a human being, for that matter. Hermione Granger was the first person I met at Hogwart's. It was on the express, actually, she helped me look for Trevor when I'd lost him. She was the first person to show me kindness, which gave me hope for the other students in accepting me, despite my inexperience and tragic story. Damn, I couldn't have been more wrong. It felt like no one liked me in my first few years at Hogwart's. I was constantly picked on, mainly by the Slytherins, but every house had something negative to say about me, even Gryffindor, who were all embarrassed of me. As if my life prior to the school hadn't been a bloody hell, but then there was the teasing and pranks. I felt so outcasted in a place where I should have felt normal and welcome, with kids just like me. Well, I wasn't just like them. I was different. And everyone made sure that I knew it.

But this wasn't about my troubled teenaged years. No, it was… it was about something much bigger than high school drama. Maybe back then, that's what it would have been. But now… it had turned into my every waking thought. It was something that perplexed me, and absolutely mocked me every day. It made me question everything that I had ever decided, that I'd even ever thought about. I was even questioning my approaching marriage! Had I gone completely mad?

…

… Yes. Yes, I had gone mad. Absolutely loony, would be appropriate. But maybe I'd rather be mental than keep telling myself lies that were never going to come true, no matter how hard I convinced myself.

I would be the first to admit that I was insecure about almost everything I did (or in this case, didn't do). I never had a girlfriend besides Hannah, I-I was too afraid of being rejected, so I would never ask, she had to ask me because I was a coward, and…

… There I was then, never more insecure in my life. God, I… I couldn't bear to look at myself lately; how stupid could I have been, to just let her stroll along by me, knowing very well that I wanted her, I _needed _her, and I couldn't conjure up the courage to ask her on a bloody date? I could kill the Dark Lord's serpent without a second thought in the world, but I couldn't walk up to her and simply ask her "Will you go to the Three Broomsticks with me for a butterbeer? I have two tickets to a Quidditch match while we're on holiday, would you like to come with me? As a matter of fact, would you like to stay with my grandmother and I over the holiday? Just you and me, no Ginny and the Burrow this time. Actually, would you just stay forever, with me, where I can keep you safe and loved? I don't think I can trust anyone else to do that, to not break your heart. What do you say, Luna?"

Yeah, okay… that would be pretty hard to say. But that was exactly what I wanted to tell her. I wanted- I wanted to be her hero.

… "Hero"…

That word was not synonymous with "Neville Longbottom", not back then, at least. I still didn't believe it, though Hannah and others would disagree. So I destroyed a snake and spouted off to the Dark Lord in demented rage over the "death" of a real hero, and my friend, Harry Potter. I was hardly a _hero_. I was just a kid. An awkward teenager who never did anything right, I was a herbologist, that was what I was good at, and that might've been the only thing, really, besides being a dud and a waste of space. I never understood what Hannah saw in me. She would say I was "cute", and "sweet", "a hero", "kind". I simply didn't see it. I didn't really see myself as anything, except… well, existing. But… Hannah saw something that I didn't see.

And Luna saw _everything_. She _knew _everything. She always saw the things I didn't, and she would tell me things that I never would have considered. She knew things about me that I didn't even know. No, Luna was nothing nearly close to loony. She lived in her own mind, in what seemed to be a fairytale, yet she was more intact with reality than most people thought. The Ravenclaw was a great friend, and she was quite intelligent. She simply _knew_. She understood life, she understood death, and she understood hate and love. Most of all… she understood… me. Not that Hannah didn't but… Luna… she not only saw me, she touched me, right on my heart, with every flash of her silvery blue eyes, every smile made my heart burst. Just thinking about it… made me want to fall to my knees and beg to whatever higher power was out there to always keep her safe and protected, I never wanted her to be hurt, she meant… everything to me… God, but Hannah… I couldn't just give up the only woman I'd ever have for a daydream. Luna didn't feel what I felt. … Okay, I didn't know that. But I was much too afraid to find out, back at school. And now… it was far too late.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed, exasperatedly, as I trekked my way to the window of one of mine and Hannah's rooms at the Leaky Cauldron, which we had gained the ownership of just a month ago. She became the landlady, after the previous owner's death. It was a quaint little place to live, and my friends thought it was cool that I was going to live in a pub. I'll admit, it was pretty cool, actually. I got to meet a lot of interesting people. I wasn't there often, though, I spent most of my time in the Ministry building, or out in the field with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, living the life as aurors. I wasn't too passionate about the field, as much as I thought I would, considering my parents... But it gave me a satisfactory feeling to know that I was helping people. Ron and Harry always seemed to get into it much more than I did. Then again, I hadn't shown interest in much of anything lately. I only had my mind set on one thing. That beautiful blonde goddess, Luna Elizabeth Lovegood.

I stared out the window, at the navy, starry sky, the moonlight basking on my distressed face. My eyelids fell and the cool moonshine felt like tiny kisses tickling my cheeks, my chin, forehead and lips… It felt like her soft lips, kissing me everywhere at once. I felt my eyebrows scrunch together and I pressed my palms into the window, in a sudden compulsion of despondency to get closer. Closer to the moon. My breathing got hard and I felt tears swelling up in my eyes. I… I needed it. I needed _her_! The tears finally spilled from my tightly squeezed eyes. I pushed my forehead into the glass, wanting to break through it and run to her. I gripped the curtains and pulled at them, sobbing, little cries and agonizing moans slipping through my gritted teeth. The seemingly endless tears stained my shirt, right over my heart. I squinted out to the moon high above in the sky. It was mocking me. It was so close, but so far out of my reach… just like Luna was. It… it was killing me…

"Luna… Luna…!" I squeaked, as if she could hear me weeping for her.

I slid down to the floor and buried my face in my knees, trying to keep from waking Hannah in the next room. This had, unfortunately, become a daily thing over the past few weeks. I'd tell Hannah I'd need some quiet to get some casework done, which I actually did need to do… at first. That case had been solved about a week ago. But she didn't know that. I'd been coming into the study for other things…

In Dumbledore's will, he had left me the Pensieve. I found it fitting, as I was constantly forgetting things, and it was a bit more useful than a Remembrall. What Hannah didn't know was that I viewed more memories than what I'd written on a lost grocery list that I'd mistakenly written on anti-magic paper, so it couldn't be _accio_'d.

I put my unicorn hair-core wand to my temple, tears still burning my cheeks, chest still aching, and extracted the memory I was looking for. I stumbled up off of the floor and journeyed across the room to the Pensieve. I stared into my wand at the blue glow that emanated from its tip, still heaving from my crying. I wiped my eyes and tried to calm myself, before I cast the glow into the bowl. I took a deep breath, after checking to see if Hannah was near. I leaned in and let the apparitions take me.

There she was, sitting in the carriage; and there was me (younger me), not yet noticing her. 16-year-old Neville was perplexed by Harry's "seeing things" pulling the carriage, but I just gazed upon Luna, as she read her Quibbler upside-down, with a faint smile gracing her lips. And then a matching one graced mine.

"Am I… going mad…?" Harry queried as he approached the carriage.

"You're not going mad," Luna said. She lowered her magazine and gave Harry her almost permanent smile. "I can see them, too. You're just as sane as I am."

I remembered thinking something along the lines of 'That doesn't sound promising…'

We all stepped into the carriage (younger me having to lug around my Mimbulus Mimbletonia that Uncle Algie had gotten me for my birthday that year), and I also climbed in and stood in the middle of the carriage, observing everyone.

"Everyone, this is Loony Lov—" Hermione stopped and looked around awkwardly, as we all looked at her incredulously, while Luna looked at auburn, seemingly unphased. Back then we would have thought that she was oblivious, or hadn't heard the slip-up. But I knew. She very well heard it. She was simply so used to hearing it that she wouldn't let it get to her. And she knew that Hermione hadn't meant to say it. Luna simply let it slide. She wasn't loony, she knew that. I knew that.

"… Luna Lovegood…" the brilliant witch finally corrected herself.

Younger me was sitting across from her. Ron, Hermione, Harry and young Neville sat in silence, unsure of what to think of this eccentric blonde. Young me was trying to avoid eye contact with her. I had always acted strange around new people, and I often got nervous. I chuckled at my younger self, who looked extremely uncomfortable, clutching my plant for comfort. At least I'd gotten better socially over the years. It didn't help that in this moment, I was afraid of someone who was very different from me, someone who seemed so… abnormal. Little did I know that I would fall in love with her that school year… and we were not so very different.

I knelt down to get a better look at Luna's face, still bright with a grin. I reached my hand out to touch her face. I always forgot that… she wasn't real… this was all a memory. My hand phased right through her, and I stopped breathing for a moment, sadness overcoming me. That was the thing about the Pensieve; it always felt like it was reality.

"Interesting necklace," Hermione finally spoke up, to ease the tension.

Luna gripped said necklace to examine it. "It's a charm, actually."

Then she looked directly into my eyes, or so it seemed. It took me a moment to realize she had her gaze set on the same brown eyes of Neville, 7 years ago. She leaned forward for emphasis on her following words, her face just an inch from mine. I could almost feel her breath on my lips. I closed my eyes and sighed in bliss, as, for a moment, I could feel her.

"Keeps away the nargles," I heard Luna reassure young me.

I _still _didn't know what a nargle was. But I hoped she would show me someday.

While I had thought that, I looked back to younger me, who looked unbearably bothered by the girl's comment directed at him. Like he was worried about nargles crawling on him right then. Young me then shifted uncomfortably. Haha... That was definitely what I was concerned about…

I reverted my gaze to Luna and was once again captivated by her dreamy expression. She was beautiful. Of course, she _still _was, I simply hadn't seen her in a while, two months, 3 weeks, and two days, to be exact. She was out traveling the world, looking for new stories and conspiracies to write about in the Quibbler, which she wrote for. I admired her determination and will, as she always had. And I wished I could go everywhere with her, whether it was a honeymoon in Italy, or a trip to Korea to hunt for Tiddleywinks, or whatever magical creature Luna wanted to find. Even if I couldn't see myself, I'd always believe in her ideas. She wasn't stupid. I would always have faith in her.

"I'm hungry," Luna announced. "I hope there's pudding."

I giggled a moment as I looked at her, my chocolate eyes glimmering with joy. She was so cute… I gazed into her silvery blue optics and my eyes began to fill again. Luna was the most beautiful thing in this existence. To me she… she was and always would be beautiful. I stroked the apparition of her blonde, curly hair and pressed my lips to her false image. I felt nothing, of course. I couldn't feel her very scarce warmth, or her baby-soft skin on mine. But… it was the best way I had to feel close to her. I felt my own scarce warmth in my heart, and I could almost feel her. I imagined what it might actually have felt like. And I loved every second of it, each sick moment…

… And before I knew it, I was back at the Cauldron, much too soon. Every time, every damned time I was away from her, every instance was too much time without Luna. I leaned over the Pensieve and let my head hang as I began to cry again. I was tired of crying, I wanted it to end. I thought that my love for Luna would have shrank after getting involved with Hannah, after Luna had left, a bit over two years ago. But the longer she was gone from my life, the greater my need for her became.

The tears slipped off the end of my nose and into the azure smoke of my precious memory. I couldn't breathe, whimpering a bit, remembering the nasty truth, which I came to every night. … I would never be with Luna. It was far too late for that. I gripped my wand tight in my pocket and pulled it out, so angry, I jinxed a nearby bookshelf, doing the motion with extreme force and with a grunt. The shelf fell to the floor, the books strewn all over the wood floor. I huffed, beginning to calm down, when I heard shifting in the other room. Shit…

I extracted the memory quickly from the Pensieve, and pressed the wand to my temple, as to restore it. I rushed over to the product of my anguish and dropped onto my bum and held the back of my head to fake injury, just as the door flew open.

Hannah found me on the floor and raced to my side. "Neville! Neville, are you alright?"

I tried to look a bit pained as I rubbed my "bump". "Yeah, I'm alright… Just got a good bump on the head, is all."

"Neville Longbottom…" Hannah smiled and chuckled, "I have never met a more clumsy person in my life."

"Well, it's good to know this doesn't come as a surprise to you." I returned a smile, a shy friendly one; not a loving one, not a flirty or romantic one.

The brown-eyed woman kissed the top of my head and stood up, offering me a hand. She helped me up off the floor and I hugged her, resting my chin on the top of her head. We swung back and forth a bit as she nestled her face into my cardigan-clad chest… and I was staring out the window. Looking into the moon. I wished that Luna was looking at the same moon as me. We'd have a moment of closeness, in reality. Wherever she was, I wanted our gaze to meet.

… I wished all of this all the while embracing my soon to be wife. She was in love with me. It was hard for me to say the same for her; it sadly always had been. I was only with her because she was a great friend and I was afraid of being lonely forever. I needed Hannah. As my fallback. Not to say I wouldn't be content with her as my lifelong companion, and eventually the mother of my children. (Whoa, that was an extremely foreign idea; me, being a father… I would return to this unfitting thought later.) But since my 6th year at Hogwart's, the most suiting woman for those titles, had been and still was Luna Lovegood. Mrs. Luna Longbottom… My heart jumped everytime that name crossed my mind.

"Mmmm, come to bed, dear. You've been working so hard. Time to rest," suggested the future Mrs. Hannah Longbottom.

I sighed and flashed her my most convincing smile as I headed into our bedroom, hands intwined. This never felt quite as right as it should have. I glanced back quickly to look at the moon one last time before sleep would overcome me. See _her _in reality a final time. Until we soon met again in my dreams.


	2. Prologue Part 2: Claire de la Lune

A/N: FINALLY AN UPDATE! wewt.

So, I've been busy with school, sorry this is late. I'll do my best to get the first chapter out. (This is the second part of the prologue.)

Btw, I really like writing for Luna. ^^

*For Dani, who I lurve, and seems to enjoy my writing. My fellow Potterhead and friend. :)

-Nev

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><p>~Luna's POV~<p>

I jumped awake from my slumber, pretty uncomfortably, I might say. I usually woke up about this time anyway, to go on my moonlight walk. But something was different in this rousing. I was disturbed from the dream I was having, though I did not remember what it was about. I did know in that moment, however, that I felt very… sunny. Warm, like the sun. It was a brilliant feeling, allowing my body to be content from my sudden awakening. I could almost feel myself glowing in radiance from the feeling. I was quite partial to it.

I pulled off the silk sheets on the bed and sat on its edge, allowing my toes to graze the icy wood floor with a soft grin. It was one of these simple pleasures that gave me the most splendid happiness. After I savored the feeling for a minute or two, I slipped from the bed and tip-toed to the grand window where I pulled the curtains open, to converse with my good friend for a while.

Did you know that it takes the moon 27 days, 7 hours, 43 minutes, and 11.6 seconds to orbit the earth once? Quite fascinating.

I sat down cross-legged in front of the window and gazed up at it longingly. I'd always wanted to know what it was like on the moon. It was so beautiful, down here as I saw it. But it was so far away. It was a shame, really.

The moon didn't seem all that different than the earth. It could be beautiful and vibrant, and it could be flawed and covered of scars. It had a light side, and a dark side. It has a purpose. And it holds a special place in my heart. My father said I was born in the light of a full moon, and that's how my name was decided. It was unfortunate, though, that my mother had to have me on a wrackspurt hunt. They were hot on their trail, apparently. I apologized to my mother quietly, and promised her, again, that I'd find one for her.

I sighed blissfully as I felt the moon tickling my face with its sweet kisses. I chuckled as I remembered a conversation my friends and I had when we were still in school.

_Ginny was talking about her first kiss with Harry, on the Hogwarts Express, delivering Neville to his 7__th__ year and Ginny and I to our 6th. I was quite happy for her, because she seemed so ecstatic about it._

"_It was like a million roses bloomed into my heart all at once, and fireworks exploded in my mind," she said with bliss._

"_That sounds awfully painful," I responded, looking up from my Quibbler (which I was not very interested in, for once, as my father had been busy with other things that he would not tell me about, and this was an issue I'd read at least 13 times)._

"_Oh, never!" she said apprehensively. "It was absolutely brilliant, and lovely, and perfect, and…" Ginny sighed again, leaning her head against the window, gazing out of it dreamily._

_Also gazing out the window was Neville, who had not spoken since the subject of Harry and Ginny's relationship had been brought up. His gaze, however, was not dreamy in the slightest._

_I suspected that he was jealous, and that he might have feelings for Ginny. I decided not to bother him with asking this question, as I observed that most people got upset when I asked such questions. _

"_Neville, are you all right?" queried the red-head._

_The tall boy looked up startled and he blushed. "I… Y-yes. Fine." _

_He confirmed this with a nod, although I didn't believe it. Even Ginny looked at him skeptically, but she shrugged it off, announcing she was going to the loo._

_I returned to my Quibbler, but Neville was looking at me for a long time, I could feel his gaze on me. I ignored it, but I heard him let out a small gasp. With that, I finally looked up at him, and found him sitting, hugging his legs and his face in his knees. Neville was crying._

"_Neville?"_

_He looked up at me, blushing even harder, and he quickly tried to regain his composure, sitting normally and wiping away his tears. _

"_Y-yes, L-L-Luna…?" he stuttered, looking down at his shoes._

_I didn't really know what to say, so I said the first thing that came to mind._

"_Did you know that only female griffins have wings? This is so that a mother can have her nest in a high place where the aggressive male griffins can't get to their young and take them as their own. Or eat them."_

_Neville blinked at just looked at me in awe. "That… That's terrible…"_

_I looked down sadly at my hands in my lap, realizing I'd said the wrong thing. I should have said something sympathetic, probably._

_I opened my mouth to apologize, but before I could speak, I heard the boy across from me laughing. I looked up to see a smile on his face. I was very confused at this point. I didn't see what was amusing about the situation._

"_Why are you laughing?" I asked softly._

_He let out a small chuckle again, looking into his hands. His eyes met mine again, and he grinned. _

"_I don't… really know, heh," he said. "I guess I'm just… glad to have a friend like you."_

_A light smile found its place on my lips and I was silent as we gazed at each other for a bit. "Likewise."_

_It was then that I realized I liked that smile more than I had before. And those jade green eyes._

_And it was then that the Death Eaters came aboard._

I never did find out what was bothering him that day. I'd never asked, since it seemed he never wanted to talk about it. That, and the Death Eaters kidnapped me very early in the school year.

"So, how are you, this fine night, my good lady?" I asked.

I closed my eyes and exhaled, waiting for a response. It would answer me, one night. This night might not have been the night, but it was worth a try. She was a good listener, after all.

"So, has she told you, yet?" asked the blonde haired man, still in bed.

"No. Not yet." I retorted, still looking up at her. "But I'm patient."

Rolf emerged from the bed and came down to sit next to me. "Well, she does certainly take her time," he said with a laugh.

"She has every right to," I stated. "She's a queen, after all."

"A queen, huh?"

"Mhm."

Rolf hugged me and rested his head on my shoulder. "I can't wait to marry you, Luna…"

"Likewise."

Somehow, I got a sour taste in my mouth. I returned to my memory, on the train. My normal smile faded, and I soon realized, that I missed my friend, Neville. And I couldn't wait to return home, and introduce him to my future husband. I was sure he'd be ecstatic to hear that we were both getting married, and we both were happy.

"Come on, la Claire de la Lune, back to bed."

"Very well," I replied sadly.

Rolf got up and climbed back into bed, waiting for me. I took another long look at the moon as I stood up. I was just like the moon. People only see one side. Only those who want to truly understand it journey to find the other side, and they study it. Rolf wasn't quite there yet, but he would journey there eventually. Until then, I had a friend who understood me. And that was enough for now.

"Good night, my friend."

As I faced the bed to return to my slumber, seeing Rolf already sound asleep, I stopped in my tracks. A chill trailed my spine.

And I finally heard her, barely a whisper in my ear.

_I need you._

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><p>Remember to r&amp;r! ;)<p>

-Nev


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